I survived the anniversary weekend. I survived the conference. I am going to make it.
Conference was good. I spent a lot of time with friends who are becoming more important to me. I celebrated my birthday with an amazing group of people who really mean so much to me. I am lucky. I know it. A few of us were emailing the other day and commented on how we feel lucky to share our lives with our group of friends. I wonder sometimes how I landed in this profession with so many smart, funny, and caring people. I should also add fun because that was the best part of last weekend — all of the laughing. It was desperately needed after last year’s annual conference or the events in May.
If I have a favorite memory it is probably last Sunday afternoon. Four of us hung out by the pool for several hours just laughing and talking about anything except work or our careers. We were goofy. Relaxed. Not worried about anything. It felt amazing.
I was really nervous about the anniversary of Elston’s death. It was on my mind in Vegas up until the last few minutes. I just remembered the worry at last year’s conference when the dog sitter kept calling to say she was sick. From the minute I stepped off the plane in Portland until she died three days later, I was hit with one of the worst losses I’ve ever experienced. I know it triggered six months of downhill behavior. It probably started before she died but her death really set me down that path.
I wanted a weekend of remembrance. I didn’t want to wallow. I went on nice walks. I caught up on sleep. I checked out a new restaurant. I tried to be good to myself. I made it.